It's Andy Fish!

Mm mm mm. Just makes my stomach growl looking at this crop of vegetables. Ha- I make myself laugh.

I don’t like vegetables.
My name is Andy, and I don’t like them.

Okay, that’s not entirely true. I like some vegetables. But lately, they keep moving the goalpost on what is and isn’t a vegetable, and I, for one, am not going to stand for it.

Within reason and moderation, I like romaine lettuce, tomatoes—especially grape tomatoes—peppers, onions, corn, potatoes, snow peas, edamame, celery, cucumbers, and sometimes carrots. If I really tried, I could probably name a couple more, but this is not the kind of post that involves much trying.

I can tell you without hesitation that I hate broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, and most of all—peas. Peas are disgusting.

“But wait,” you say, “you like snow peas?” Yes. They’re different.

I made an amazing chicken casserole the other day (I posted the recipe here somewhere), and after reheating it I decided—against all logic—to dump some peas into it because it was 100% veggie-free and, might I add, delicious.The peas absolutely killed it. It was inedible. Tragic, really.

Here’s my main objection: corn, potatoes, and tomatoes are no longer “vegetables.” They’ve been reassigned—starches, fruits, and whatever else you want to insult me with. I’m sure cucumbers are next. Peppers and onions can’t be far behind.

Oh! Pickles! I love pickles. Even the terrible brown cigar-tasting pickles at Sarge’s Delicatessen & Diner on Second Avenue in NYC. I’ll never have scurvy thanks to pickles.

We need to go back to the original five food groups. Stop tweaking the system.

• Breads
• Fruits and Vegetables — note the “and.” I consider that an either/or proposition. I choose fruit.
• Meat
• Fish
• Dairy

Bam. Done. We weren’t all fat when we had five food groups. Now we are. And vegetables are not helping.

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