It's Andy Fish!

That’s it for me, I’ve had it. I’m 43 and in a job I hate– I owe that to bad decison making in college leading to a degree in a field I get no reward from. I’m too old to start again in something else at the bottom. Recently I found out my husband of 10 years has been stepping out to various degrees to “find comfort” apparently I can’t provide– I guess when you hate your life it’s hard to come home and be someone else’s party mate. I’ve reconciled that I’m just going to work another thirty years in a job I can’t stand and I deserve everything that comes at me.

I can tell you with certainty and real life experience that your situation is so far away from hopeless and the only reason you can’t see it is you’re standing in the middle of the storm. You are not too old to start again in something completely different than what you are doing now. 43 is far from “too old” for anything and I have to imagine discovering the infidelity at this time certainly isn’t helping.

First and foremost you need to decide what you’re doing with your husband. It’s OK to withdraw emotionally from him for a bit while you work out the direction you want to go. Counseling can be a good choice if that works for you. But work out a plan for the two of you and see if you can forgive him and if he can stop blaming you for his bad choices.

As for work, I restarted my career many times over– and each time I was able to claw myself up from the bottom rung to a high level position and I’m absolutely nothing special. In this current work environment just showing up and doing your job goes a long way towards advancement.

Life is too short to be with someone you can’t trust– I hope you can regain the feelings that first brought you two together, but if you can’t you have plenty of life left (I would give this same advice to someone in their 80s) so move on. As for work- find something you’re passionate in, get into an entry level position and if advancement there requires some kind of additional degree or training focus on that in your after hours. You didn’t mention children but if you have them your spouse may have to help pick up some of the burden involved so you can find the happiness you deserve.

And I mean that. You deserve happiness, we all do. But we have to be the ones to make it happen.