Ask the Answer Man- My Favorite Letter Ever

Donuts from Blue Star Donuts in Portland Oregon— if you’re ever out there and you’ve got any money left after being robbed every three blocks try these out.

I get a lot of requests from students for Artist Interviews— in the Fall it’s usually Freshman classes and in the Spring it’s usually upper classman. I get so many in fact that I built a page I usually refer a student to so I don’t have to type it up all over again, I do always let them know if they need any further clarifcations or questions I’m happy to clarify things.

So this one came in;

Dear Professor Fish;

Thank you for allowing me to use that— my art teacher wants us to get as much specifics as possible from our chosen artists daily life as possible. Here is the list of questions she gave as examples;

~ Do you work from home or do you go into an office? What are the advantages/disadvantages?

~ What is your usual work schedule like? Do you work weekends or nights?

~ Do you have a second non-art related job or a job that provides additional income outside of your own art career?

~ What are your typical meals like— do you have a favorite snack?

I can kind of see the agenda this art teacher has— it kinda sounds like they are preparing them for a life of Ramen Noodles and working part time jobs to pay the bills doesn’t it?

But Mega Kudos for some unique questions! Here are my answers;

1- I work from home. I used to use an office space many years ago, but I found that oftimes I would get struck with inspiration on a project and I’d have to head back over to work. It also became a pain in the winter— having a big enough home to have a dedicated art studio works out just fine for me.

Advantage is my commute— which is about sixty steps up from the breakfast table— because I use my studio ONLY for work I treat it like a completely separate part of my home. While I only see positives in it, I do know of some new freelance artists who have trouble working from home. During the pandemic many of our friends called us to ask how we didn’t put on tons of weight working from home? Simple answer; discipline.

We take breaks, we have coffee breaks in the nice weather on our deck or out in our Adirondack chairs. We take the convertible out for a spin— we do things to break up the day.

2- I usually wake up about 9 or 930am— shower, get dressed and have breakfast. For breakfast I have coffee, juice and usually an egg and toast. On occasion I’ll switch it up to French Toast or Oatmeal, but I’d say 5 out of 7 days is an egg with dry toast. I am in my studio working by 1015am and I work until about 2 or 230 for lunch.

Lunch is usually a sandwich— I am particular for a variation on an Italian Sub called a GARODEO which I like on a super fresh bagel (I get my groceries from Goretti’s in Millbury because unlike all the other supermarkets around it they actually care about ingredients especially safe meat handling). A fresh bagel is almost hard on the outside and super soft on the inside. Having lived in New York for so long I love good bagels. The sandwich has Imported Ham, Provolone Cheese, high quality salami, tomato, lettuce, onions and lite Italian Dressing.

Back to work until 430 where I take my afternoon coffee break which sometimes includes a cookie or a pastry— then I work until about 730pm where we break for dinner.

Dinner is usually Chicken or Steak (medium rare) potatoes, some kind of vegetable that I can tolerate and occasionally a salad. If I’m on a tight deadline I’ll work a couple of more hours after dinner.

Sometimes before bed I’ll have some Raisin Bran with whole milk.

So I guess you would count working until 730 or later working nights— but I don’t work on weekends. I try to turn in every night by 1130pm.

3- I don’t have a second job, art pays my bills, but I’ve been doing this a long time— so I get royalties from previous publishers and I have stock investments that pay dividends so I do have other income, but that was all generated from art so I’m going to stick with “no”.

If you’re considering a career in art I would suggest getting a degree in business so you know how to handle paperwork and taxes (I understand tax codes very well even though I use a team of accountants) and work everyday on your portfolio because that’s what’s going to get you work.

Thanks for the questions and good luck!

From My Collection

LOVE this horror cover!

The Curse of Sour Laundry

I once had a friend whose mom either always left damp clothes in the dryer or she used super high heat because his clothes ALWAYS smelled sour. Many years ago I had a similar problem back in the day before I learned the danger of high heat drying— I had washed a bunch of clothes for a show, packed them and then headed off to Cleveland for the Show. That night as I unpacked I was struck by the unmistakable smell of sour laundry— I checked the next piece of clothing from my bag- sour. Next? Sour. The whole suitcase was sour. I smelled the clothes I was wearing.

You guessed it.

Sour.

The hotel had a laundry service, $30 per item and they’d have them back in 24 hours. Calculating the total to be about $4500 if I had all my laundry done and the prospect of doing the first day of the show in my gym shorts and t-shirt which I planned on sleeping in I asked the front desk if there was an all night laundry around— sure enough there was about six miles away.

So I took two pillowcases off my bed and stuffed them full of clothes and made my way downstairs in said gym shorts and t-shirt (with, I might add, brown dress shoes which were the only shoes I’d packed) and jumped in a cab and got over to the Laundromat.

Now I don’t spend a lot of time in Laundromats, when I lived in New York we had a washer and dryer in the basement, but more importantly one of the perks of where i worked as a complimentary laundry service with free pickup and drop off. I got the the laundromat and realized I had no detergent. An older lady there took pity on me and let me use half her detergent (I slipped her $10 for it) and I proceeded to wash all my clothes. It took me about 10 minutes to realize I didn’t have to sit there and wait for the first load to wash the second, I just jumped onto a second machine.

The laundromat as the night wears on is an interesting place to say the least— especially one which was not in the best neighborhood of Cleveland. I read every magazine on the media table, read three different newspapers and was thrlled when things were ready to go into the dryer.

The dryer was the biggest challenge. It seemed like no matter what the clothes just wouldn’t dry. I think I had to run 3 cycles before I gently started folding things and was ready to stuff them into my pillowcases when I stopped dead in my tracks.

I lifted the pillowcase up to my nose— sour.

SOUR!

I looked around for a box or something to carry these clothes back to my hotel and the best I could find was a brand new GLAD ™ huge black garbage bag. I stuffed one pillowcase into the other and stuffed them into a smaller plastic bag, tied it shut and tossed it in the trashbag, called a cab and walked back through the lobby of my Hotel in my stylish outfit.

I got back into my room, smelled my suitcase which was fine— and then called the front desk and said I needed two fresh pillowcases because the ones I had smelled sour.

Thrilled with my cleverness I turned in after housekeeping brought up two fresh pillows and I had a good show.

Trust in the MSM at an All Time Low

I don’t know if I was more surprised that trust in the Mainstream Media was at an all time low of 31% or that anyone still even watches the MSM. I haven’t seen an actual newscast in the same amount of time I’ve not had a landline phone which is about 20 years.

I do subscribe to a digital version of the Wall Street Journal but that’s more habit than anything else. I love how the MSM tries to sell people who actually are reporting news as “disinformation” when the incrediblely obvious agenda of all of them is so in our faces.

Trump is Hitler because he had a rally at Madison Square Garden? Well I guess FDR, JFK and Bill Clinton are too because they did as well, but I bet if you only get your news from the MSM you didn’t know that.

Do yourself a favor, have your favorite news sources that’s fine, but occasionally branch out and try something independent and try to find some actual reporting, it’s not that hard to do.

Shoe Shine Dilemma

Last time I was at the airport the Admiral’s Lounge was closed for remodeling— horrified at the thought of sitting out in the terminal I did everything I could to not— so I got a shoe shine. The guy and I chatted it up and I told him my dilemma.

He was an extremely nice older gentleman— had had three chairs and he said if I’d like, after my shine was done I could stay with him for the duration and avoid the field trip laden kids running around people stretching out terminal area.

I got us a couple of drinks— got him a sandwich— and I read the latest issue of whatever magazine I decided was the most interesting in the kiosk.

ELECTION RESULTS

Well that was a landslide, and I called it. I follow politics the way other guys follow baseball with stats and strategies and logic. I even came close to calling the electoral college (I was off by two points— thanks Nebraska) results.

Let’s see if a year from now if egg prices are still hovering between $3 (bargain) and $6 (insane) and if gas is still at $5 a gallon. I’ll follow up— let me go set an alarm.

The Time I Pulled a Fast One on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy... sorta PART II

Unfortunately I don’t have Photos from the WoMag even so I’ll run some more of Joe’s Wedding here since we’re all in very expensive Brooks Brothers Suits. That’s the photographer fixing Joe’s tie— he was excellent.

After Mike’s phone call the wheels were rolling. I was due for a haircut but I keep it so short even three additional weeks wouldn’t make much difference. I stopped shaving, I went out and bought an oversized hoodie and super relaxed fit jeans— I had a pair of sneakers (I was still wearing them occasionally in the 90s/00s— if you look at the photo above now I wear mostly Italian Loafers like these).

I also stayed out of the sun— I’m someone who tans very easily— but I avoided that— in the three weeks time my hair was a little bushy and I had a full short beard. I showed up with my sneakers barely laced. The other celebrities they got (and I’m certainly not calling these guys Z-list) were my friend and radio host Hank Stolz and a highly decorated Fire Department Official who’s name unfortunately escapes me.

Hank gave me a puzzled look at my outfit as we shook hands, and I smirked because he was wearing a very nice suit. Mike’s plan was pure evil genius.

I makeover was two days— day one was in the hair salon beauty parlor and day two was at a noted high end mens clothing store. The makeover team was made up of talented hair stylists and fashion folks— they had various degrees of flamboyance but they all had a great sense of humor.

Step one was to get me in a tanning bed and they applied some kind of easy bake over solution on me because I tanned even faster than usual. They cut my hair (without my input) almost exactly as I got it cut every week. They shaved off my beard and they gave me white highlights in my hair. The salon was in an old industrial building with exposed brick and pipes, absolutely beautiful, and they gave me coffee and espresso with a mere request.

Step two I had to hit the salon one more time for a quick tanning session before they threw me in the back of an SUV and drove me and Hank and the Fireman over to the mens store which was open only for us and the team of photographers.

Hank figured out why I’d showed up in the hoody when they started holding up Armani suit jackets for me- and they broke out (I’m not kidding) cowboy rodeo clothes for him.

I gamed the system— I also made the cover of WoMag which I have around here somewhere— and I got a nice suit out of the deal.